Once again I find myself standing in front of that blue wall, we’ve all been there before, and hell, I know I’ve find my self here before many times.
They say that when you’ve spent a long time as a white belt you’ll eventually see the blue wall, that obstacle that represents validation of what you do and do not deserve; I’ve traveled a lot, moved a lot and most times I taught it was keeping me away from my blue belt, but now I see I was wrong, it was taking me where I was ment to be.
For a long time not belonging was to belong, but now it has another meaning, with plants, cats, writing, blogging, photographing tournaments, traveling to open mats and training, my life is more Jiujitsu than ever. Still I See the blue wall in front of me. But like belonging or not,that blue wall has another meaning today, I feel ready, I feel strong yet I also don’t at the same time, I’m no longer chasing a belt I was so eager to get a couple of years ago, I’m here for the long run, the tournaments, the open mats, being a part of a community that works like a family. Belonging.
Recently some friends from back home came to visit for some tournaments hosted here in mexico city, I remember starting with them as white belts and seeing them as blue came with a bittersweet feeling, like I held my self back, like if I stayed back home I’d reached one one of the most important goals I’ve ever set for myself. But then I wouldn’t be here, wouldn’t traveled, wouldn’t gotten lost, wouldn’t found my self and what really matters in life.
We all face that wall many times in our Bjj journey sometimes its blue, sometimes purple; But we also stay, go around it or climb it, what can I say? I’ve seen it before many times, still I’m here doing more of what I love. Embrace it, its part of the ride.